tHe pursuit of "the clap"..(not the std....)

If your a movie buff like me, it's never really about the "whole" movie...as much as the many moments within a movie. The parts that make you well up inside, or let out a laugh, or cheer louder then you expected....

One of my all time moments takes 45 seconds in a movie. Pursuit of Happyness starring Will Smith as a dad who refuses to quit despite all the chips not only being down, but obliterated. Will Smith is amazing in this role. He captivates, yet his greatest moment comes towards the climax of the movie. Basically he gets what no one expects him to get, what he himself wasn't even sure he could get, and no one especially wanted him to get. But he gets it. He wins!

He went 22 rounds with the world and he wins, and your excited for him, and Will plays the part of a guy who's about to explode at the news that "he's getting the job!". 

Here comes the great scene. He walks briskly out of his office, down the elevator about to explode. He gets outside and doesn't know what to do with himself, so he begins shuffling with the crowd walking in sync with them. 

Then comes the clap....

the clap above his head says everything, the clap above the head is probably 2.3 seconds, but it represents everything he's thinking...and you can so relate (OR WANT TO...)

The clap represents a fight...a bloody, messy, uncomfortable fight....

The clap represents the winner. 

The clap is says the battle is over, and I have won. 

The clap says I may have wounds, but I'm not defeated

The clap is closure

The clap says you can breath again

The clap says "IT WAS ALL WORTH IT"

The clap justifies you

The clap solidifies you

The clap proves others wrong about you

The clap removes the option of anyone writting you off...ever again

The clap confirms you

The clap releases you

The clap symbolizes all these things above but most importantly 

the CLAP says 2 things

IT IS FINISHED......AND WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN........

I looked over at my wife the other night as we 

re-watched it again....all I could say was.....soon...I want that clap!!!!!!

tHe Wonders...(like I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 0-NEDERS?)

I can't be the only one...I just can't I tell myself

You know, the person who reads into "everything", or who's mind races continually, non-stop, day and night.

The person who will go back and "re" remember a conversation, or the look a person gave you and wonder hours, maybe even days "What did he/she REALLY mean by that"? My old  youth pastor (one of 7 btw) used to say "There's a lil' bit o humor in EVERY joke". I was 15 when he said that. I've denied it to people's faces before. But if I'm being honest, the old guy might have been onto something! 

Were passionate about getting our points across in subtle ways, slip of the tongues are never really slips are they? ARE THEY?

So my mind wanders..and wanders, and wanders and wanders. It seems the older I get the harder it is to shut down. I ponder what people REALLY mean, when they are  saying something. The young girl who is constantly over and over and over saying "I remember in youth group when WE USED TO....." what does she really mean? Does she mean "WE NEVER DO.......anymore"...or "You suck...we were better off without you".....Now not to sound senseless and insecure, I'm just trying to engage a thought process. (side note: To make sure I'm clear in the fact that I am very much NOT INSECURE... I don't run these through my mind and WORRY, FRET, or even CARE about the "thought(s) of Jimmy Smuda) I run them through my mind alot of time for my prayer points. Ex: The other day a person and I were having a very private convo. By the end of the convo we both agreed on some things, and disagreed on other things. But this person was "joking" about several key things. Some at my expense (again..which is ok), some at the church's expense (not so ok), and others expense (def not ok). 

As I got home that night, I sensed the spirit telling me "Nothing you just talked about had anything to do with what you 2 were talking about"..

HUH? So I just wasted 2 hours  of dominate wisdom (trust me...it was) to not even get to the core of that person...Horrible! I'm a studier of people, their movings, their characters, their words. Sometimes I just love to watch peoples movings (sounds so creepy) why? Because you RARELY get the honest "This is what I mean" conversation anymore.

The:

"I'M STUGGLING",       "I'M LONELY",       "I'M LYING",       "I'M DYING",       "I'M SINNING",          "I'M QUITTING"            "I LOVE YOU"      "I HATE YOU"      "YOUR STUPID"       "YOUR BRILLIANT"            "YOUR USELESS"        "I'M POINTLESS"

conversations have long ago died. ESPECIALLY in the church. We gloss with the "onics" of "brothers, and sisters".......but are we really getting down to the matter at heart? I hate guessing! I don't feel relationships (especially holy relationships bro/sis) were meant for "wondering".

You know why God loved David? Not because he could "shred" on the Harp! Or  he loved his statue. Not because he had good aim, or that he was bold enough to "GO STREAKING!!!!!!!!!! and dance before Him.

GOD LOVED DAVID 

BECAUSE HE NEVER 

HAD TO WONDER

Acts 13:22 "I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do."

So wait? God "wanted" david to be a murderer, a adulterer?

No, of course not! The "everything I wanted to do" was Transparency. GOD never had to wonder with David.

The very thing He "hated" Adam for ("Adam? where are you? who told you you were naked......wondering!!!!!) is the very thing God loved David for...

Feedback

Hey guys,

If your family or friends, or check out any of my ramblings......

let me know what ya think!

Feedback is fuel for inspiration....

It would be much appreciated.

Also if you have a blog, feel free to add mine to your blog roll

or listing, and I would gladly do the same

be blessed

GOD USES TOILET PAPER......

So you ever have one of those "feel sorry" for

yourself moments. You know, "no one loves me", 

"does anyone know I'm alive" type of deals. I wanted

to take a break from blogging to really concentrate on 

concentrated prayer. 

Of course when you commit to a intense prayer time 

to refocus, refresh, and re evaluate who

you are, is when you seem most attacked. 

Yesterday was that day for me. I was in

the middle of a very "stellar" feel sorry for me moment. 

I mean this was a good one!

REALLY GOOD. Everything from, Am I even called to be a pastor?, 

Am I a good pastor? dad? husband? The infamous 

"I HAVE NO "REAL FRIENDS"...whine..

Oh yeah! I was clicking on all cylinders. 

I did all the "HOLY THINGS".. prayed, wept, 

threw dirt on my head (ok i didn't weep) 

I even read out of Job 

(for some reason felt i could relate)

I needed encouragement....

So I prayed for my own Eliphaz!

This guy named Eliphaz comes to Job's rescue 

in Chapter 4

(Message)

He says this: 1-4 The Eliphaz from Teman spoke up:

"Would you mind if I said something to you? 

Under the circumstances it's hard to

keep quiet. You yourself have done this plenty times, 

spoken words that clarify,

encouraged those who were about to quit. 

Your words have put stumbling on

their feet, put fresh hope in people about to collapse. 

But now YOU'RE the one in trouble, you're hurting!

You've been hit hard and you're reeling from the blow.

But shouldn't your devout life give you confidence 

now? 

Shouldn't your exemplary life give you hope?

Such inspiring words out of Job. Did it help? NOPE.

Here's how God works in the most unusual, creative, 

outstanding lavish ways.

My daughter has this THING. She loves 

to write little notes around my house. 

When she's "doing her duty". She loves 

to write littlenotes on the toilet paper so 

the next "dutier" will find them.

My notes have been "Daddy is the greatest",

"Bella loves Mommy"

etc etc.

As I continued in my downward spiral. 

I went to my bathroom to shave.

I had just come out of a prayer time, reading this

scripture,and felt even MORE dopey.

Then the TP hit me. I looked down. 

My 6 year old writes these

words that shredded me.

Spelt in the phonics of a 1st grader...

"I LOVE YOU EVRITHENG 

aboout you...Just the waye You Are"..

Enough said....

Proof God even uses toilet paper...

Cornelius Projects update....

 

The first installment of CORNELIUS PROJECT is under way. We are currently editing video from our homeless excursion, and filming more as we go. We hope to have the final documentary done by APRIL, and we will make contacts to have some showings around Long Island.We've been making contacts with people who are heavily involved in many other social projects, as well as hot button issues. Stay tuned for more details.....

The IGNORE (ant) vs tHe iDiOt....

So I'm struggling here. I struggle with "ignore". Or being ignored. I also struggle with the "ignore" "ant". Look, I'm not an egomaniac that is like the "Stuart"saying "look what I can do"! But I do have issues when we ignore one another in the body of Christ. Our needs, our struggles, our victories. Blind eyes see nothing worth value. Here's my "rant". Within the last several months, I have reached out to several people in the christian world who I greatly admire. I mean deeply admire, I mean look up to (and continue to look up to......and that's hard...I'm 6'6). I reached out via email, hand written notes, phone calls, face books, pigeons with notes attached, smoke signals, airplane signs, and prophets directly speaking from God on their voice mails (OK..i exaggerate...I'd never take time to hand write anything). 

I've asked for very difficult things (like a quick note of advice via email, or how they got that God idea). I mean come on! We get it! Your busy, insanely popular, and God is using you in mountain moving ways. But when is too big...too big. When we don't have time for the "little" folk.  Coming out of bible college, I remember wanting to be the next RON LUCE, speaking in front of 100,000 young people a night. Now, "that" would be hell. I like manageable. Don't get me wrong I like big...big hair, big jeans, big crowds. What I don't like is big ego's, and I can't help but think that the big boys that are too busy to write a simple email saying "try this" haven't lost sight of the real. Jesus rode with 12, to reach billions. Get small to BE big is a theme that's been in my spirit for over a year now. Back to my thought (because I love these people so much, I REFUSE to call it an "Issue"...so it's more of a frustrating thought)

Here's a sample of my rant:

Dear "said HERO"

I just wanted to write you a note first saying how much I admire you, and what God is doing in and through you to reach thousands for his kingdom. I've read all your books, and listened to almost every podcast. YOU ARE A HERO TO ME IN THE FAITH. I won't take up too much of your time knowing how incredibly busy you must be. I am a young pastor, embarking on reaching an emerging generation.  I think clearly you are on the forefront of what you are doing on the west coast. I am from N.Y. and we have nothing like that here, but when I study the west coast, and compare it with what's going on (or not going on) here in N.Y. I think maybe God has brought me here to merge what you do here.

I'm not asking for anything but maybe a simple sentence of direction! Some encouragement you may think to lead me in the right direction!

Again thank you so much for being such a influence in my life.

Deeply appreciative,

Jimmy Smuda

Now listen, this guy IS a hero. STILL to this day. If he came out with a book again tomorrow I'M BUYING. Because I'm not holding "him" on a pedestal. I recognize GOD is using him in mighty ways. I'm not holding unrealistic expectations. I'm not even faulting him for not a response. What I am saying is this. I did this with several people, and got not ONE response! I would have taken..."Jimmy, pray, fast, and seek God's face".

When Jesus recognized the lady who touched his robe, it showed he wasn't TOO BIG to not recognize the small. When the widow brought 2 mites, and dropped them in....He wasn't too big to recognize her heart.

I rest on the fact that ALL of these people are still my hero's, and I will suck the influence right out of all of them, pray for them, and support them. However I've realized something (which is good for me) I don't want to be them! Give me a small group to take on a BIG WORLD!

I find comfort in the words of Ghandi: 

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win".

tHe iDiOt......

CP (PART 2)

So it's almost a week later, and I've digested our little project. Or have just begun to. Beginning last Friday night, I endeavored upon the great city of NY as a homeless person. With nothing but the clothes on my back, and my i.d. and 2 other pastors, we set out to give a true testimony of what life was like living street life. We didn't know what to expect, or what we would encounter, but we were willing...and that is worth something. Friday came, my biggest fear was running into students who I serve (as the school that's the part of my church, and right next door to my house was on a field trip to the city). It was 3 pm, and we were on our way. No students around....test passed. At the train station, the pastors and I broke away from each other (which we had already incurred some resistance from the train workers in giving us really mind blowing information.......like the time. I guess the giant clock right behind them, wasn't....well working). We took some private time to pray, get alone, and ask God for divine connections and experiences with HIM. Just as we were ready to board, the train arriving opens, and a plethora of my students walked off the train with nothing but a "gasp". One particular girl looked at me straight in the face and literally let out a whimper. I looked at her stunned, and did the only thing I thought someone who had a bright life ahead of them could do when taking the plunge into street life, and turning away from everything they love. I winked....and I walked away. Not acknowledging them whatsoever. As I walked into my train, they came running. They stood at the door of the train...my babies, my kids, everything I serve God for..just staring with blank, hurt faces....Then the doors closed, and the train departed. The symbolism God used in my head at that moment, that someone would walk away from everything they love, without a word was paralyzing.

I don't know if I thought it would feel "that" real. I was numb the entire 40 minute ride to the city, only awakening from my emotional coma as we hit the streets of the city, and encountered the reactions of people. Or should I say the avoidance of my existence....

I realized very quickly this documentary was going to be alot bigger to me then I ever dreamed......and surely alot more real....

(to be continued)